No joke, I used to chase validation, especially in the makeup industry. If I think back I wonder if half the time I actually did things because they were my goal to accomplish or if it was because of the validation I would get when I did it. There is nothing wrong with accomplishing things and being proud of it, but I can admit there was a moment when I caught myself pretty much begging to be included in something that wasn’t being planned with me in mind. This was right around the same time that my corporate job did NOT give me the full validation of the full bonus or much of a raise, even though I felt I was killing myself at work. All of these instances, along with family things that were happening, terrified me. That was when God bonked me over the head (Thanks to being in daily prayer) and said “THIS is not what your life is about and this is NO earthly person’s responsibility to fill this need of validation.” I can truly relate to Lacrae’s words “If you live for their acceptance you will die from their rejection.
“So I made a change. I created my own space and surrounded myself with people who I didn’t look at as “above me” nor “below me” because we were all learning to do something new. #Fempire And for the first time, amongst working with people with a common goal of growing a line and introducing quality products to our customers, I felt I could breathe. I knew I could help teach in places while relying on other’s strengths to teach me as well. I knew I mattered as much as everyone else at the table. We didn’t look at anyone getting ahead as being better than us. We looked at someone getting ahead as a win for us all because it was possible. We all started to lift each other, and then the people at those tables I threw myself at years ago eventually ended up coming to sit at ours as peers and partners.
I share because I understand if you are stuck in that mindset. I WAS that ex-people pleaser who did all the things to help others but secretly it got to me when it wasn’t returned. I then realized that if I was expecting a result from what I gave that that was more dangerous than anything because I was still putting my happiness in other’s hands.
I promise happiness does not come from if other people include you, thought of you, or worked with you. We can not put the responsibility of our worth on anyone else and let’s take an honest look, many times it’s not even personal, it’s impossible to manage everyone’s feelings. I had to take that pressure off of others and myself for expecting them to do so. BUT WHAT I FOUND when focusing on working with all of those who wanted what I wanted, collaboration, bringing their strengths to the table to rise together, I ended up having the best years of my life. My business, leadership, and friendships rise and flourish everytime I remember that, become a student AND a teacher, and stay new and curious about how to grow.
This is why God humbles me with moments where I feel that twinge of needing to belong again. It doesn’t last years now, it lasts hours. Those feelings are meant to bring me back to thinking less of how people can impact me and thinking more of how I can impact others by working alongside them. It also helps me to put out messages like this, reminding everyone to never look at me or anyone else as the answer to their happiness. If you feel me, let me know.
And this sign? This sign is a message to myself, but feel free to test it on days you forget your value is already within.