When looking to level up in business, or life in general, it always good to have friends BUT make sure you look for mentors as well.

What is the difference?

Well, instinctively a friend can go into confirmation and validation mode to soothe a friend that is hurting, confused, or angry. We have always learned that a good friend should be a shoulder to cry on. Heck, friends even take their friend’s side without question. It feels good to have those people in your corner but understand these friends, although they mean well, will not always be the one to help you level up. That is why it is vital to find those people that can. You need someone that will help you hold yourself accountable for yourself.

Sometimes a mentor won’t come in the form of a traditional friend. Sometimes a mentor is found in a coworker, someone that inspires you, or someone you find is not reactive but instead is consistently level-headed. A mentor doesn’t even have to be more knowledgeable than you in business. A mentor just has to believe you have untapped potential to become someone who can have a major impact in this world, and they are committed to keeping you on the path to getting you there. For this reason, a mentor may not always agree with you. They may deliver hard truths that you may not always want to hear, but that is because they feel accountable for your growth- not your feelings.

Here is the thing. Sometimes, when people have this in front of them, they don’t recognize it. Other times they will fight hard to keep it away because it is a break from the norm. They are used to friendships that do not challenge them. If someone isn’t a friend in the traditional sense of the word then they must be a foe. Right?

“A mentor may not always agree with you, and they may even deliver hard truths that you may not want to hear, but that is because they feel accountable for your growth- not your feelings.”

I want to encourage you to think about “confrontational” scenarios that may have come up in the past. You may have had people around you who believed in you so much that they called you out on the lies you were telling yourself. You may have pushed back because you weren’t in a place to accept what it was they were challenging you on. If you have ever had someone rub you the wrong way, but for the right reasons, then I urge you to consider this was someone taking a stand for you. I also want you to open up to the idea that some of your best friends, although lovely, may not be the ones who are going to push those hard conversations. They love you for who you are, and if you never change that is okay with them.

I personally love my close “ride or die“ friends BUT I appreciate those that make me check myself just as much, in some cases even more so. It is sweet for someone to say you are perfect the way you are but the lie in that alone is to say that we don’t all have more growing to do.  We are meant to always grow so we need to have people around that are willing to help us stretch. Appreciate those people that don’t look to make things easy but instead look to help you see things from other perspectives. You may not always agree, but when the message is consistently coming to you with love, then it is worth hearing them out. The people in my life that do this for me are not always my closest friends, nor are they my bosses, my “higher-ups” or even family. Sometimes they come in the form of a follower on social media who believed me when I shared that I wanted to be a better person.

I have also been on the other side as a mentor to others. Most of the time it is appreciated but I have had some people turn away from me because I believed in them too much. You would think that makes no sense, but it happens a lot. Some people turn away because they know I see more for their life, so I would hold them to a higher standard. So they had a choice. Keep me around to hear how the small stuff they were concentrating on could keep them from becoming the person they wanted to be or keep me away so they can continue focusing on small game stuff.

I get it!

Leveling up is hard, and too many times it means we have to get out of the cocoon we find so cozy. Sometimes people are just in self-destruction mode (where they are believing their internals saboteur’s lies) and do not love the idea of having a mentor type person around to help them see there is a bigger game waiting for them out there. This is when some will push the ones that care about them most away. It happens every day, but as a mentor, you can’t let those actions keep you from wanting the best for people. They may not get what you are doing for them now but the hope is one day they will.

Now that you have read through this whole post, I want you to take some time to reevaluate those in your life who have challenged you in the past. Maybe you will see future “confrontation” in a different light. I’m not saying all confrontations are for a good reason. Some confrontation truly is self-serving and something to not give another thought to (because it is small game stuff). If you really dig deep down, however, you may realize there were people making a stand for you all along that you may have counted out prematurely. Even more unfortunately, your friends may have agreed with your perspective on this, unknowingly keeping you from becoming your best self.

So how do you find someone who will help you level up?  Sometimes it is as simple as asking your current friends to help you be accountable for your own actions. You can ask your friends to not let you “go there” with your negative feelings, assumptions, or stories. You can ask them to not let you go longer than 5 minutes when venting or being upset over small things that won’t matter in 5 weeks or 5 years. Your friends can remind you to make the effort to communicate with the source of your issues instead of filling in the holes in a story on your own. You can give your friends permission to call you out when they see you not living into the person you told them you wanted to be…
and when they do that,

YOU THANK THEM!

When you cultivate a relationship where a friend can also be a mentor then it is something to be cherished and not taken advantage of. I promise you that by you asking your friends to keep you in check you are making them a better person and mentor as well. They will be able to recognize small game issues more easily when these scenarios play out in their own life or in those around them. It’s a win-win situation.

Here is to all the friends and mentors out there who stand for others to be the best they can be! It’s not an easy job but it is an admirable one to be celebrated.